not femme enough. not butch enough. not gay enough. definitely not straight enough. i have never felt quite queer enough to come out. today is national coming out day and i have all sorts of room in my heart to love all kinds of folks. so here i am, a little more visible and i am enough. to all my queer loves who don't feel queer enough, i see you and we are.
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For the past few months everything I write and feel revolves around the push and pull of belonging to a place and longing to experience new places. There is the pull of Heron and Alder's little arms around my neck when they hug me and tell me they love me, of waving to my Dad in his office parking lot, of kissing my Grandma Nancy on the forehead and wishing I could take her heartache with me, of Mama, Jane, Luke and Ginna waving in my rearview mirror... Then there is the push of All Roads Headed West and of all the unknowns this journey contains.
The first stop after leaving home for the foreseeable future, was to attend the first meeting for the STAY Steering Committee at the Highlander Center in New Market Tennessee. The contradiction of leaving my home to be a part of a group of young people that are making a commitment to stay and help others stay and thrive in Appalachia is not lost on me. But in that space at Highlander with all those amazing and inspiring humans I felt more comfortable inhabiting the push and the pull. Turns out it is possible to concurrently hold two opposing truths in my heart. I suppose the structure of my anatomy functions best between the dichotomy of stay and go. Stay because this is my home, because I want Eli, Heron and Alder to know their home, because Appalachian Love Stories, because I am committed to social and environmental justice in Appalachia. Go because I have to, because I told myself I would, because I'm curious, because by experiencing different geographies I will have a better understanding of the work that needs to be done in Appalachia, because I won't be able to stay if I don't leave first, because nothing is final, because there is opportunity waiting. Go because I know all the way down in my bones that I will always return here, I am of this geography, these mountains, they are my home. Stay because I want to. *follow me on my travels on Instagram lnmurrey #allroadsheadedwest Last Saturday I had the real privilege of photographing the wedding of these two incredible women, Allie and Lynn. Here is a tiny preview of the wedding photographs. "Forever taking pictures of mountains" will be carved into the rock above my head when I am laid to rest. I can't help that I am always remembering the structure of my backbone...
Last weekend in Harlan, Kentucky I gathered with folks whose backbone has the same structure as mine at the It's Good to be Young in the Mountains conference to discuss how to stay in Appalachia, and not only how to stay, but to thrive in Appalachia. Last weekend I had the energy of leaving Boone, the energy of being around other passionate young people. Last weekend it felt good to be young in the mountains. Surrounded by so many different kinds of mountain builders it was hard not to hold a vision of tomorrow. However, as a young black man attending the conference pointed out during the closing of the conference, that vision is not complete and we still have a great deal of work to do before we see tomorrow. Tomorrow cannot continue to be a vision of predominately white people, no matter how well-intentioned we are. Because tomorrow looks like understanding that Appalachia is not just in the hills and the hollars, Appalachia is Charleston, Knoxville, Huntsville, and Pittsburgh. And tomorrow? tomorrow looks like momentum... Momentum looks like the drive home from Harlan and a 20 minute conversation with Sam at a gas pump in Virginia about how we can love Appalachia actively and how not to just accept the parts that need to change. But momentum feels like your heart in your throat when a girl says that now she is going to write a poem about how the fire is not dead here. Friday June 26th, 2015; "It is so ordered" hardly in my life have four words bubbled such joy into my heart. Marriage equality has been long over-due and was a huge win for the LGBTQI community. I was euphoric to celebrate the landmark court ruling on the side of love with some of the people I love most.
However, as we celebrate love it is important for us to remember that the 5-4 Supreme Court ruling in favor of marriage equality was grounded in the 14th Amendment which forbids states from denying any person "life, liberty or property, without due process of law" or to "deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.” Y'all we still have so much to fight for... Only 18 of 50 states have employment non-discrimination laws that cover sexual orientation and gender identity. None of these states are near the place I love and call home. Only 19 of 50 states have laws that protect students from harassment and bullying based on gender identity and sexual orientation. Two states (Missouri and South Dakota) actually have laws that prevent schools from specifically protecting LGBTQI students. In Justice Kennedy's beautifully written majority opinion, he proclaimed "marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death..." So while we celebrate this ruling we must also challenge ourselves to embody a love that endures, exists, grows, and strengthens beyond the bonds of marriage and fights to protect the lives and rights of everyone. Justice Kennedy ended his statement with a profound truth: "They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right." Yes that is it, equal dignity... Equal dignity means no more murdered transgender men and women, it means no more losing your job based on who you love or how you express your identity, it means no child is allowed to be bullied for so long that their ache becomes too heavy and they take their own lives, and it also means no more unarmed black men killed by police (because these fights are united by the request for equal dignity in the eyes of the law). The fight is not over y'all. We've got work to do. It is so ordered. In the interest of having more LGBTQI voices heard, if you haven't submitted to and are interested in submitting to the Queer in Appalachia Project please do! I am getting some fantastic submissions and meeting incredible people that are helping to shape my vision for the project. I will have a submission page up soon. Resources: http://www.glaad.org/transgender/resources http://transequality.org http://transadvocacynetwork.org http://www.hrc.org http://blacklivesmatter.com http://www.naacp.org https://www.girlscouts.org Last week my dear friend Riko came back to Boone and helped me start a project that is very dear to me and that I have been thinking about for a long time: Portraits of Queer Appalachia. I met Riko when I was fifteen and all the time I've known him he has been a damn mountain builder, he had to be, it ain't easy to be one of the only openly gay people at Watauga High School. Riko is one of the bravest, most intelligent, and kind humans I have ever known and loved, and I am so happy that he came to visit and gave me that nudge to begin this project. Soon I will be adding his story, in his own words, to go along with the photograph. That is how I would like to format this whole project.
So this is an open call to anyone who identifies as LGBTQIA and lives/has lived/grew up/ passed through Appalachia, I want to hear your stories. Submissions can include a story (fiction/non-fiction), poetry, a sentence, a drawing... anything that has to do with the queer experience in Appalachia, I am especially interested in themes of home. Submissions can be anonymous, but if you are willing to have your photo taken please tell me. Submissions can be made to lnmurrey@gmail.com with the subject line "queer appalachia". |
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