The first week of January I wrote "July my lease will end. Come August all roads are moonlit and unknown..." Well last week come August like six planets turned backwards; a steam engine behind a blue moon carbon arc headlight. As if to ask You weren't comfortable were you?
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I should have been packing up all of my belongings to move out of my apartment, instead I was remembering the chemistry for time travel. An old roll of film in the bottom of a box; I have waited two years knowing that in its silver awaits thirty-s ix frames of "this is how your heart was broken" and 35mm of "see how much has changed". Time travel can be tricky that way; revisiting all my hollow places, for a moment when I hold the negatives up to the light I remember the sharpness of all my arrows: "Oh yes, I remember now, how could I have forgotten? I loved you once..." But that is just a moment and arrows dull and crumble. On a dare I let a psychic run her fingers across my palm and declare that I will have happiness and success in a few years as long as I don't get too distracted, and oh yeah that I should fall in love with a gemini... And all these things can be mine if I come back for more sessions... So I guess there is always that. Time travel is an unreliable method of transportation. Good things come from remembering that "forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past" and my arms only reach so far ahead of me.
Last week was three pairs of hands. Caroline's hands lead me back to the dirt when I go out to her farm in Valle Crucis on Friday and help her harvest and prepare for the Watauga County Farmers' Market. With our hands in the dirt Caroline and I talk about and life and love and how both seem utterly unnavigable at this moment and how everything is in flux and how ultimately that's all okay, we're doing just fine. ...we're fine, right? Yes I think so, because the movement of my body is purposeful and strong when I pull bright red beets from the ground and I take great delight in the dirt under my fingernails.
Yes, everything remains fine when I stop moving long enough for my Joybird and my Longbird to hold my heart in their sleepy fingers. A few weeks back Heron was overheard calling my brother Eli on his play-phone he said "Hi Eli, this is Heron. I just want you in the world and I want to hold you." Yes, don't you see? Everything is just fine because there is so much purpose in those four little hands, they want you in this world and they will hold you here.
Todd Liberty Day Parade. July 4th 2015. Todd, Ashe County, North Carolina.
To be honest y'all I'm too tired to remember much of last week. So it goes. Friday June 26th, 2015; "It is so ordered" hardly in my life have four words bubbled such joy into my heart. Marriage equality has been long over-due and was a huge win for the LGBTQI community. I was euphoric to celebrate the landmark court ruling on the side of love with some of the people I love most.
However, as we celebrate love it is important for us to remember that the 5-4 Supreme Court ruling in favor of marriage equality was grounded in the 14th Amendment which forbids states from denying any person "life, liberty or property, without due process of law" or to "deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.” Y'all we still have so much to fight for... Only 18 of 50 states have employment non-discrimination laws that cover sexual orientation and gender identity. None of these states are near the place I love and call home. Only 19 of 50 states have laws that protect students from harassment and bullying based on gender identity and sexual orientation. Two states (Missouri and South Dakota) actually have laws that prevent schools from specifically protecting LGBTQI students. In Justice Kennedy's beautifully written majority opinion, he proclaimed "marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death..." So while we celebrate this ruling we must also challenge ourselves to embody a love that endures, exists, grows, and strengthens beyond the bonds of marriage and fights to protect the lives and rights of everyone. Justice Kennedy ended his statement with a profound truth: "They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right." Yes that is it, equal dignity... Equal dignity means no more murdered transgender men and women, it means no more losing your job based on who you love or how you express your identity, it means no child is allowed to be bullied for so long that their ache becomes too heavy and they take their own lives, and it also means no more unarmed black men killed by police (because these fights are united by the request for equal dignity in the eyes of the law). The fight is not over y'all. We've got work to do. It is so ordered. In the interest of having more LGBTQI voices heard, if you haven't submitted to and are interested in submitting to the Queer in Appalachia Project please do! I am getting some fantastic submissions and meeting incredible people that are helping to shape my vision for the project. I will have a submission page up soon. Resources: http://www.glaad.org/transgender/resources http://transequality.org http://transadvocacynetwork.org http://www.hrc.org http://blacklivesmatter.com http://www.naacp.org https://www.girlscouts.org Come on in, you need rest. Your body hasn't been as faithful to you as you had always believed it would and you can remind yourself a thousand times that modern medicine can do wonders these days but that still doesn't stop that rising serpent called panic from constricting your chest, the slow kill. Come on in, take a load off. You have dirt under your fingernails and mud on your boots and your body is stronger when you work with the land and modern medicine really can do wonders and that serpent he's just a rising smoke.
Storm's Coming. In one of those rare moments where I am exactly where I want to be: returning to that mountain with Maggie and Jessica and the cows and horses. This is how you return to yourself. These women, just like them mountains, are your damn flesh and blood.
As Dalton said, home is this place I am perpetually heading toward and running from. Home is the place I am still searching and yearning for; I am familiar with its presence because I have found it before. I have built it before. In a month in a half I will pack all my belongings into boxes again. This time it's all roads headed west.
Here's to the Land of the Long Leaf Pine, the Summer Land where the sun doth shine. Where the weak grow strong and strong grow great... Here's to down home, The Old North State! Here is to fighting back against a legislature that does not represent its people, that refuses to provide healthcare for the people of North Carolina, that is doing its damnedest to prevent access to an education and the voting booth and clean water. Here is to a people that will not be silenced. Here is to the people of North Carolina.
Esse Quam Videri: To Be Rather Than to Seem. |
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